Butterflies and Hurricanes

Happiness is

2008-08-24T07:16:00.000-07:00

running in the rain.

gulping the refreshing, damp air

sweat and drizzle

tarmac splashed a shade darker

the bright orange rubber soles of new running shoes

fallen leaves softly pressed into the road

a squishy symphony of spoik's :)

2008-08-09T09:39:00.000-07:00

Courage,

is not the absence of fear;

it's inspiring others to move beyond it.

~Nelson Mandela

2008-08-09T09:31:00.000-07:00

So I guess this is where I tell you what I learned - my conclusion, right? Well, my conclusion is: Hate is baggage.

Life's too short to be pissed off all the time.

It's just not worth it.

Derek says it's always good to end a paper with a quote. He says someone else has already said it best. So if you can't top it, steal from them and go out strong. So I picked a guy I thought you'd like.

'We are not enemies, but friends.

We must not be enemies.

Though passion may have strained, it must not break our bonds of affection.

The mystic chords of memory will swell when again touched, as surely they will be, by the better angels of our nature.'

~Danny Vinyard, American History X

2008-07-07T04:19:00.000-07:00

He used to look at me...and I used to see myself in his eyes

And it was like he saw me.

But then things started to change

The harder I tried to be what he wanted me to be
The less I saw myself in his eyes

And then one day I looked...and I was gone

Diamond Flowers Yorke

2008-07-06T09:16:00.001-07:00

It used to be so natural
To talk about forever
But "used to be's" don't count anymore
They just lay on the floor
'Til we sweep them away

And baby, I remember
All the things you taught me
I learned how to laugh
And i learned how to cry
Well i learned how to love
Even learned how to lie

You'd think i could learn
How to tell you goodbye
'Cause you don't bring me flowers
Anymore

I know if destiny's kind, I've got the rest on my mind

But my heart
it don't beat
it don't beat the way it used to

And my eyes
they don't see you no more

And my lips
they don't kiss
they don's kiss the way they used to

And my eyes don't recognize you no more

I'll drown my beliefs
To have you be in peace
I'll dress like your niece
To wash your swollen feet

Just don't leave
Don't leave

And true love waits
In haunted attics
And true love wins
On lollipops and crisps

I'm not living
I'm just killing time
Your tiny hands
Your crazy kiss and smile

Just lonely
Lonely

2008-06-16T09:44:00.000-07:00

Her face shone, eyes glowing lustrously dark, lips warm and sweet. As I turned away for the fear of exposing my emotions, I saw the gleam of a single tear against her courageous face. I've read there is no such thing as a single tear, that old poetic trope. And perhaps there isn't, since hers was simply companion to my own.

2008-06-16T09:31:00.000-07:00

true
love
waits

~radiohead

2008-05-26T08:09:00.000-07:00

We are made of love,
And all the beauty stemming from it.

We are made of love,
And every fracture caused by the lack of it.

~Sleeping At Last

2008-05-18T00:18:00.000-07:00

Fitter. happier.
more productive.
comfortable.
not drinking too much.
regular exercise at the gym
(3 days a week)

getting on better with your associate employee contemporaries.
AT EASE>
eating well
(no more microwave dinners and saturated fats)
a patient better driver.
a safer car
(baby smiling in back seat)
sleeping well.
(no bad dreams)
no paranoia.

careful to all animals
(never washing spiders down the plughole)
keep in contact with old friends
(enjoy a drink now and then)

will frequently check credit at (moral) bank (hole in the wall),
favors for favors.
FOND BUT NOT IN LOVE
charity standing orders
on Sundays ring road supermarket
(no killing moths or putting boiling water on the ants).
car wash
(also on Sundays)

no longer afraid of the dark or midday shadows
nothing so ridiculously teenage and desperate
nothing so childish

at a better pace/
slower and more calculated.
NO_CHANCE OF ESCAPE.
now self-employed.
concerned (but powerless).
an empowered and informed member of society

[PRAGMATISM NOT IDEALISM]

will not cry in public|
less chance of illness|
tires that grip in the wet
(shot of baby strapped in back seat)

a good memory.
still cries at a good film.
still kisses with saliva.

no longer empty and frantic
like a cat tied to a stick
that's driven into frozen winter shit
(the ability to laugh at weakness)

calm.
fitter.
healthier
and more productive
a pig in a cage on antibiotics.

2008-05-16T22:12:00.000-07:00

"Leaves set free from life;
soaring first like a butterfly, then
falling
falling
falling
falling

softly to the ground."

Set these thoughts free.
And they shall fall softly on paper.

~thenakedwriter

he's in love with words.

2008-05-07T06:55:00.000-07:00

she just discovered a new meaninglessness in her life.

her new favourite music was fresh but years ago.
she's been living in the past.
holding on to melodious memories and her wet pillow,
hoping it would comfort her through what lies ahead.

fear of what tomorrow brings.
fear of being found out for the part she's been playing in this stage act people call life.

she wants to close her eyes and forget.
she wants to close her eyes and not wake up.
repeat and fade. sleeping at last.

2008-05-06T07:52:00.000-07:00

i don't care if this makes me seem like a paedophile or an expecting mother. (of which, i'm neither)

http://dawnm.com/chicago-childrens-photographer.php

but browsing through this fills me up with an inexplicable sense of joy. :)

2008-04-30T19:05:00.000-07:00

bruised, broken, and everything in between.

it was more than something i wanted.

it was something i needed.

i need

2008-04-24T10:41:00.001-07:00

life changing.

the only thing certain is the shroud of uncertainty hanging over the next 2 months.

i'll start now. we'll see how it goes.
oh boy.

life is screwed up. life is amazing. life is full of love.

2008-04-22T10:14:00.000-07:00

i should've told you earlier
when the skies were blue and the birds were singing our song
i should've said it all

but for now, even though it's too late
let me say, without hope or agenda
to me, you are perfect
and my wasted heart will always love you

adapted from ~Love Actually

2008-04-13T00:27:00.000-07:00

the greatest thing you'll ever learn,
is just to love, and be loved in return.

~Moulin Rouge

the best scene with some of the best ever love songs from one of the best love stories ever.
all you need is love :)

2008-04-12T08:27:00.001-07:00

share our story
our lives of love

sing our song
our love will live

2008-04-08T08:12:00.000-07:00

dose of happiness

i have a sudden urge to go into paediatrics :)

haha, at the rate i'm going, i'll be happy to graduate.

Happiness makes up in height for what it lacks in length.

~Robert Frost

2008-03-30T20:26:00.000-07:00

as much as she's always in your heart

you keep holding her in your arms

~Gone, Baby, Gone

2008-03-28T12:23:00.000-07:00

sad smile,
happy tears.

all too familar?

all over again.

what if?

2008-03-19T03:59:00.000-07:00

that moment
when everything else segues into the background noise of irrelevance.

that moment
when the air of expectation hangs on painfully, hopelessly awaiting those words that never came.

that moment
mercilessly claimed by the incessant tides of time, never to be seen again.

if only

that moment
forever lost.

2008-03-18T15:14:00.000-07:00

gargh, i'm gonna sleep to my doom. 10hrs wth. death by sleeping

2008-03-16T09:01:00.000-07:00

I never knew you
But now I'm haunted by your past,
How long will this last?

I thought you loved me,
You say you love me,
Love's just a shadow that you cast.

And all my dreams come round in threes always
Im independent but I'm tied to you
You lied to me, I'd die for you
But I can't read your mind.

I'm lost without you
An empty feeling deep inside
I want to run and hide

I'll let you use me
And just abuse me
But girl I want you to be mine

2008-03-13T06:38:00.000-07:00

As long as I know that you're still there
As long as you know that I still care
The stars will still cry
The raindrops won't dry
Till we are where we belong.

'Cause I am hanging on every word you say
And even if you don't wanna speak tonight
That's alright, alright with me

2008-03-11T07:48:00.000-07:00

i knew they were geniuses in melodies, vocal harmonies and instrumentation, but i never noticed the lyrics.

My soul is painted like the wings of butterflies
Fairytales of yesterday will grow but never die
I can fly
~Queen

Sometimes, people like freddie mercury and elton john make me wish i was queer.

2008-03-10T17:11:00.000-07:00

had a wonderful night.

i'm gonna make it come true.

i'm gonna make it. :)

2008-03-09T07:11:00.000-07:00

how did a slap on the wrist turn into chopping off the whole hand?

haha. grass is always greener on the other side.

now we suffer for the choices we make.

there is no wrong, there is no right
the circle only has one side.

2008-03-07T20:05:00.000-08:00

malaysian politics can be exciting.

the ceramahs were incendiary, cili padi, yes, its fun being in a crowd. isn't it?

shouting along even if you can't vote. even though most of the issues raised were irrational, the promises unpragmatic.

i think it's just the situation of being in a large group of people who are they to make noise. the feeling of being part of a community, of belonging.

shouting along to time is running out in stadium negara. the sweat-drenched shirt, the dry throat, the crushing crowd.

muse, we are scientists, club 8 and pelle carlberg. gives me that crowd-high.

just one more now. the kop!

i want to be in that army, when the reds go marching in.

let's sing together, sing it loud, and sing it proud, so the tune doesn't even matter

2008-03-06T07:35:00.000-08:00

My soul slides away

But don't look back in anger, I heard you say

Oasis whoooooooo

2008-03-05T07:53:00.000-08:00

in the end, you don't get to do what you like,

but you learn to like what you do?

2008-03-02T04:44:00.001-08:00

shhh.

stop talking.

you don't always have to fill the silence.

hush now.

and just listen.

you hear that?

the bottled up thoughts of the unheard.

2008-02-29T10:26:00.000-08:00

There are times when life calls out for a change. A transition. Like the seasons.

Our spring was wonderful, but summer is over now and we missed out on autumn.
And now all of a sudden, it's cold, so cold that everything is freezing over.
Our love fell asleep, and the snow took it by surprise.
But if you fall asleep in the snow, you don't feel death coming.

~Paris, je t'aime

2008-02-26T07:31:00.000-08:00

sometimes i do wish that i never knew her, that our paths never crossed.
then i wouldn't feel such untold sadness.

but then i wouldn't feel the untold happiness either.

better to have loved and lost? than to have never loved at all?

there are many things that i
would like to say to you but i don't know how

2008-02-25T08:25:00.000-08:00

i need a hug.
high fives would do for now. haha
i'll take what i can get.
beggars can't be choosers, can we?

now, where did all you emo people come from?

2007-12-09T17:57:00.000-08:00

9 days.

die lah. even if i somehow finish one system a day, i still can't finish everything. and i can't even recall what i did yesterday. die lah.

not going out anymore. study study study die.

2007-12-04T03:19:00.000-08:00

shite. how many more times. i'm not doing it anymore.

i'll take a walk. it's good for health. okay maybe not in malaysia. but at least im doing my part in giving your children a better planet to live in.

it's not always as bad as it seems at first. yeah. but still. shite. i'm not touching those things. not anymore. i think i said that the last time it happened. gargh. shitshitshit. this is too much. this rollercoaster's not just going up and down and making loop de loops, its gonna derail soon. i need to get off. i need to get out. i need a break. i need to be free.

am i already in too deep? its not a mistake unless you can't fix it. i think i read that in some chic lit. how do i fix this. need a fix. hahah. don't know why i'm doing this. attention?

how do you wanna help others if you can't help yourself. help yourself. fix it. fix yourself. then get back. get a grip.

up and down and up and down and up and down. used to be years. then months. then weeks. then days. now hours. up and down. didn't know it was possible. so many times in a day.

i want you to know you make me happy. i want you to know you make me sad. you are the best thing that i've ever had. amazing how something so simple leaves such a big impact. the butterfly effect.

it's not what you think it's about. don't try to understand. shit. becoming the very thing you despise. what happend to your principles? lost sight of them. never had them? how deep are you in now. the more you struggle the deeper you sink. like quicksand. sleeping at last. careful hands. breathtaking song. that longing melody, as the piano and violin embraces each other. he's alone.

no. not quicksand. you're not even struggling. you're just letting yourself sink. enjoying the view as you go along? need to get a grip. get a grip.

he's the best. you love him. love him? then why are you in this in the first place? letting people down. let down. you think too highly of me. great expectations lead to great downfalls. i'm not who i used to think i could be. she said, the greatest tragedy in life is not living it to your fullest potential. you used to tell yourself that, didn't you? how has it gone to the stage where somebody has to say it to you. that was then. i kinda miss her.

back today. twas fun. but musn't lose sight. they need a stage piano. not an upright. not a baby grand. then it all sank. full circle. rollercoaster.

take the wheel and drive. incubus. hahahahahah. bloody hell. this is shit.

2007-12-02T05:43:00.000-08:00

Avenged Sevenfold - A Little Piece Of Heaven (with lyrics)

i don't usually listen to metal, but this isn't really metal anyway.
my metalhead friend calls it ciplak metal.

it's long (8 minutes), has metal's signature double bass drums, guitar riffs and shouting; then some violins, piano, a lil brass section, some maniacal laughter and a short duet too. quirky. me likey.

but what i like most about it is the sick lyrics.

sick, not as in fernando-torres-freaking-awesome-skills-sick, but as in disturbing-can't-sleep-sick.

it's about this guy, who's insecure in his relationship, afraid that she might dump or cheat on him.

so he kills her.
stabbed her 50 times, then rips her heart out before her eyes and eats it.

and then, the best part. we discover that this guy is necrophilic. or in other words, he's sexually attracted to dead corpses. so you know what he does to the dead girl friend.

yeah, sick.

and something just as sick. but this one's more towards visually-disturbing kinda sick.

The Horrors - She Is The New Thing

The Horrors - Sheena Is A Parasite

yup, i think those are her innards.

2nd one is directed by Chris Cunningham. same guy who brought us the award-winning Bjork video for All Is Full of Love and other disturbing videos like Aphex Twin's Rubber Johnny and Come To Daddy.

temporarily addicted to their sound now. didn't really warm up to them at first. that organ takes some getting used to. but the videos just nailed it for me.

thank me for making you sick. heeh

2007-12-01T05:48:00.000-08:00

since when did you start swearing?

out loud? or in my head?

people with limited vocab swear. cos they cant express themselves in any other way.

swearing is for losers.

you calling yourself a loser?

and i've lost everything now. that was the last of me. i've lost myself.

you've lost it.

wheeeeefuck

2007-11-16T05:15:00.000-08:00

it may be the wrong path,

but at least i'm moving on.

2007-11-06T03:26:00.000-08:00

the tears dropped like snowflakes fell,
each one an intricately crafted story of its own,
no two alike.

all tears are beautiful.

sad, but beautiful.

2007-11-03T03:19:00.000-07:00

iwannaholdyourhand

2007-11-03T02:57:00.000-07:00

number9dream

I would die to hold your hand.

I would die if you slapped my hand away.

I would die if you wanted me to take it and I never realised.

2007-10-27T08:37:00.000-07:00

I wrote the love songs
so I could hear you sing them
now I just write songs

-hellosharon

2007-10-23T03:20:00.000-07:00

the body is ill.
maybe the air's too cold.

the mind is sick.
maybe the heart doesn't know.

know? no,
not anymore.

what do you see?

2007-10-21T05:33:00.000-07:00

night. lights. blue. red. green. pink. no, magenta.

aurora! alaska. northern lights. golden compass. philip pullman. dust.

in rainbows. radiohead. boundary-busting brilliance. faust arp. stuffed. stuffed. stuffed.

glowsticks. moshpit. klaxons. jealousy. nu rave. att.laan.tis! to interzooone.

2007-10-20T08:26:00.000-07:00

Listening to music gets the mind wandering.

Midnight reading escapades are punctuated by frequent zone-outs.
Like wandering from the wanderers.

Minutes before sleep.
That's when the stream of thoughts flow in endlessly, as if the mind refuses to let the body surrender to the sweet seduction of slumber.

But i forget.

When i wake up, they're all gone from my head like darkness from the morning sun.

Nothing beats the spontaneity of pen and paper.

2007-10-19T09:49:00.000-07:00

my train of thought crashed into a distracting/distracted cow.