9 days.

die lah. even if i somehow finish one system a day, i still can't finish everything. and i can't even recall what i did yesterday. die lah.

not going out anymore. study study study die.

shite. how many more times. i'm not doing it anymore.

i'll take a walk. it's good for health. okay maybe not in malaysia. but at least im doing my part in giving your children a better planet to live in.

it's not always as bad as it seems at first. yeah. but still. shite. i'm not touching those things. not anymore. i think i said that the last time it happened. gargh. shitshitshit. this is too much. this rollercoaster's not just going up and down and making loop de loops, its gonna derail soon. i need to get off. i need to get out. i need a break. i need to be free.

am i already in too deep? its not a mistake unless you can't fix it. i think i read that in some chic lit. how do i fix this. need a fix. hahah. don't know why i'm doing this. attention?

how do you wanna help others if you can't help yourself. help yourself. fix it. fix yourself. then get back. get a grip. 

up and down and up and down and up and down. used to be years. then months. then weeks. then days. now hours. up and down. didn't know it was possible. so many times in a day.

i want you to know you make me happy. i want you to know you make me sad. you are the best thing that i've ever had. amazing how something so simple leaves such a big impact. the butterfly effect. 

it's not what you think it's about. don't try to understand. shit. becoming the very thing you despise. what happend to your principles? lost sight of them. never had them? how deep are you in now. the more you struggle the deeper you sink. like quicksand. sleeping at last. careful hands. breathtaking song. that longing melody, as the piano and violin embraces each other. he's alone.

no. not quicksand. you're not even struggling. you're just letting yourself sink. enjoying the view as you go along? need to get a grip. get a grip.

he's the best. you love him. love him? then why are you in this in the first place? letting people down. let down. you think too highly of me. great expectations lead to great downfalls. i'm not who i used to think i could be. she said, the greatest tragedy in life is not living it to your fullest potential. you used to tell yourself that, didn't you? how has it gone to the stage where somebody has to say it to you. that was then. i kinda miss her.

back today. twas fun. but musn't lose sight. they need a stage piano. not an upright. not a baby grand. then it all sank. full circle. rollercoaster.

take the wheel and drive. incubus. hahahahahah. bloody hell. this is shit.

Avenged Sevenfold - A Little Piece Of Heaven (with lyrics)

i don't usually listen to metal, but this isn't really metal anyway.
my metalhead friend calls it ciplak metal.

it's long (8 minutes), has metal's signature double bass drums, guitar riffs and shouting; then some violins, piano, a lil brass section, some maniacal laughter and a short duet too. quirky. me likey.

but what i like most about it is the sick lyrics.

sick, not as in fernando-torres-freaking-awesome-skills-sick, but as in disturbing-can't-sleep-sick.

it's about this guy, who's insecure in his relationship, afraid that she might dump or cheat on him.

so he kills her.
stabbed her 50 times, then rips her heart out before her eyes and eats it.

and then, the best part. we discover that this guy is necrophilic. or in other words, he's sexually attracted to dead corpses. so you know what he does to the dead girl friend.

yeah, sick.

and something just as sick. but this one's more towards visually-disturbing kinda sick.



The Horrors - She Is The New Thing



The Horrors - Sheena Is A Parasite


yup, i think those are her innards.

2nd one is directed by Chris Cunningham. same guy who brought us the award-winning Bjork video for All Is Full of Love and other disturbing videos like Aphex Twin's Rubber Johnny and Come To Daddy.

temporarily addicted to their sound now. didn't really warm up to them at first. that organ takes some getting used to. but the videos just nailed it for me.


thank me for making you sick. heeh

since when did you start swearing?

out loud? or in my head?

people with limited vocab swear. cos they cant express themselves in any other way.

swearing is for losers.

you calling yourself a loser?

and i've lost everything now. that was the last of me. i've lost myself.

you've lost it.


wheeeeefuck

it may be the wrong path,

but at least i'm moving on.

the tears dropped like snowflakes fell,
each one an intricately crafted story of its own,
no two alike.

all tears are beautiful.


sad, but beautiful.

iwannaholdyourhand

number9dream


I would die to hold your hand.

I would die if you slapped my hand away.

I would die if you wanted me to take it and I never realised.

I wrote the love songs
so I could hear you sing them
now I just write songs

-hellosharon

the body is ill.
maybe the air's too cold.

the mind is sick.
maybe the heart doesn't know.

know? no,
not anymore.

what do you see?

night. lights. blue. red. green. pink. no, magenta.

aurora! alaska. northern lights. golden compass. philip pullman. dust.

in rainbows. radiohead. boundary-busting brilliance. faust arp. stuffed. stuffed. stuffed.

glowsticks. moshpit. klaxons. jealousy. nu rave. att.laan.tis! to interzooone.

Listening to music gets the mind wandering.

Midnight reading escapades are punctuated by frequent zone-outs.
Like wandering from the wanderers.


Minutes before sleep. 
That's when the stream of thoughts flow in endlessly, as if the mind refuses to let the body surrender to the sweet seduction of slumber.

But i forget.

When i wake up, they're all gone from my head like darkness from the morning sun.



Nothing beats the spontaneity of pen and paper.

my train of thought crashed into a distracting/distracted cow.